My New Boss

Sat AM-2

I’m really struggling with my new boss.  It’s always hard to report to someone of an inferior intelligence level.  I’m pretty sure dude can’t even read because I spend a huge part of my day narrating his documents.  And the redundancy of his requests!  If I have to read that paper on the caterpillar that was overeating one more time – seriously – you’d think he’d know it by heart by now.

My supervisor is 10 pounds of annoying in a 5 pound bag.  I’m pretty sure he contributes nothing, but he and the boss are total brosephs.  I’ve even seen them wrestle in the office.  When he’s not staring at me (get off my back man, I’m doing my work!) he’s whining about needing a bathroom break or he’s actually sleeping on the job.  On more than one occasion he’s been caught sleeping on the couch in the break room even though upper management has chewed him out about that a number of times.  And he’s that annoying guy that always hovers around when you’re eating your lunch – creeper.

I don’t mean to be ignorant to their creative process but both of them feel the need to take long walks a few times a day.  I swear my boss just likes the sound of his own voice.  He babbles on and on and doesn’t really say a word.  Of course they expect me to escort them and interpret their grand ideas.

My hours are ridiculous.  I mean I’m on call all the time.  He’s up in the middle of the night with some random problem – so am I.  It’s exhausting.  I do all the work and he gets all the praise.  Just because he’s cute doesn’t mean he’s knowledgeable.  I’ve never heard him put together a coherent sentence.  But he’ll stop to make a point (I mean literally stop and smile and point) and everyone stops what they’re doing to faun over him and tell him how BIG and SMART he is.  But I do all of the heavy lifting.  I’m pretty sure he even expects me to wipe his butt for him.

Sadly, his cuteness is undeniable. I even find myself falling victim to it.  It’s why he gets away with so much.  Like – I kid you not – drinking on the job.  Crushing like 2-3 bottles daily!  All the while I’m singing and dancing for mine and acting like a complete fool.  It can be pretty humiliating – and sometimes frustrating.

More than anything – he’s hot and cold and I’m never really sure what he thinks of me.  One second he’s smoochin’ on me and the next he’s screaming at the top of his lungs.  It is completely unprofessional behavior, but more than that, it’s confusing to me as his subordinate.  I guess I’ll have to wait until my next annual review – but even then I’m sure he’ll just rattle off a bunch of nonsensical jargon about my performance.

It’s a good thing the benefits are so great because the pay suckkkss.


3 thoughts on “My New Boss

  1. Pingback: Do They Know It’s Swostmas Time? | This Must Be the Place

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